" I am not like the others , I don't follow what others do ...." , " If I do this I might lose this/that " etc etc.Being a middle class family boy, we always tend to think many times before taking any decision .Cause the advantage behind this is : We the middle class people have big dreams behind everything we do & the dis-advantage is : If the decision or chance gets exhausted or not works , then we will have no second chance to do it .
So , we use to take a safe way as its becomes our instinct (being belong to that class).
I can remember , I was in 1st or 2nd standard , a boy utters less , whispers more , was said , that the " kids of same age ,who lives in surroundings are illiterate & manner-less kids,so , stay in home else don't mess with those kids ". I was like , " Ya ..man they are truly different from me"...so, wrapped my hands , I took a step behind .
Later on , all these went around in my thought process . The questions arose around my head : " If I spend time with them , will that really harm me ? ...they are enjoying their childhood at the fullest , why don't I do it ? .....
But we can't get answers of these questions , as its a cold war between " Instinct & Sole " . So, the dilemma continues.....
Passed 7-8 years , became youth , get to know new things , got new ways of thinking supported by contemporary knowledge of the society .The more I get to know ,the more contradiction appears.
At that stage we have very certain things stays in our bucket of thinking ...... Less Study , More Dressing Fantasy .... Hangout , & yes ... Date a Girl ..( Hot topic among the friends)...
The biggest question arouse : How to pose myself in front of new people I face ? I might get the ans from a normal mindset but again the question got the old root , "My Instinct " ,as meanwhile the transition period of Childhood to Youth , we are told many of " Gyans.." ..."Beta !! Ye hamara culture hai, hume aisa karna chahiye ...... hamara ijjat tumhare haat hai " & all..
So, I can't do what I wan't to do...... Dilemma..
Passed HS, on Graduation .... 1 st day .... Class full of Guys & Girls..... lil'e shy , little feared ...
I was said " Stay in good circle ......don't make frndship with drug addicted boys .....& all " .....
So, task was , I need to have friends , but with the said condition ...... again a new dilemma....
With Yes /No mental contradiction ,....Mate some one, good friendship....converted to a relationship.... Time passed ....things became more serious..... & seriousness pulled the trigger ....
We promised each other .....but the scene was......different cast , different status & yes !! different age ! ..... All together , set a different deal to handle.....
"Ya .... We'll be together ,no matter the whatever the situation exists...."...... Now the questions....
"Shall I defend my love or defend the Instinct ,where entire family stands ? "..
God damm !! ........Frustrated..! thought about supplementary ways (known as addictions) ... So, the scene was a Cross Dilemma.......
All over... life is full of surprises with new twists but the Dilemma still continues......
If I would have done this/that.....the scene would have been different....bla ..bla ..bla....... It Continues !!!!!!
............Siddhartha Gope
